Derailed

My body seems to have derailed my plans to successfully nurse my little baby. At her 2 week checkup, she lost more weight.

I've been trying to pump, but generally getting very little, only enough to give her a bottle of my milk once or twice per day, with the rest of her feedings needing to be formula.

I suspect my thyroid is playing a huge role in this, because I'm having other thyroid symptoms too.

It's very upsetting, because I successfully nursed Natalya and donated tons of extra milk. With Aleksandr, we had problems but I was eventually able to pump enough and then he figured it out.

But this time, it seems I'm not making enough milk to adequately nourish my child. While I am very pro-breastfeeding, I can't let my own agenda or opinions impact my child's health and well-being. She needs calories to regain her strength and grow, and formula is a way for her to get that in the absence of me being able to do that for her.

I am praying that I can be at peace with this situation if that is what needs to be done for her health. I am frustrated that my body seems to be failing me, but I know that *I* am not a failure. I sure have been trying but the stress of the situation has not helped anything.

I can't be a good mom to any of my kids if I'm stressed and upset. So I'm doing what I can at this point. I'm pumping a few times a day, offering her the breast if she will take it but making sure she gets enough feedings of formula and pumped milk. A visiting nurse is coming and will weigh her and she will go back for another weight check at the pediatrician's office at the beginning of next week.

I'm hoping we can get past this because it is just a stage. I'm sure in ten years it won't seem as important as it does at this moment.